Reflections of a Moonchild
by Tsukiyono Omi
Summary: Angsty Omi monologue...


Still dont own anyone....  
**WARNINGS** Angst! Slight yaoi-ish-ness, suicidal thoughts, lots of spoilers. Depressed Omi.   
  
  
Reflections of a Moonchild  
  
  
  
Another mission, another murder. Another reason to hate myself. Is that all I'm good for? Killing?  
  
They call me 'Bombay.' That's not my real name. More people call me Tsukiyono Omi. That isn't my real name, either. But its the name I've known most   
of my life. When I'm not Bombay, I'm just Omi. I think I like Omi better.  
  
That's not saying much. Bombay is still Omi. Omi is still a killer.   
  
It's like that guy from Schwarz said; I'm a sibling-killing murderer. I killed my own brothers. I had to, they were Takatoris. Our job is to kill the evil ones, and they were evil. .  
  
I'm still surprised that Aya-kun didn't kill me. He should have.   
  
Once upon a time Tsukiyono Omi was known as Takatori Mamoru. Son of Fujimia Aya-kun's sworn enemy, Takatori Reiji. Meaning, I, too, should be Aya-kun's enemy.  
  
But Aya-kun doesn't hate me. He said himself that I'm Omi, not Mamoru. So Aya-kun doesn't really hate me.   
  
Its' ok. I hate myself enough for both of us. Hell, I hate myself enough for Youji-kun and Ken-kun, too. Sure, I look like any normal 17 year old. But how many kids have had my past? How many kids have themselves for what they are, what they live for, yet still have to wear a mask of perfect cheerfulness?  
  
How many kids have to kill for a living?  
  
That's what I do. Professional assassin. Assassin; that's just a nice name for murderer. That's all I am. I go to school and sell flowers in the day. By nite, I'm a killer. Nice life.   
  
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I could live a nice, normal life, like all 17 year olds. With a mom and a dad in a nice little house; maybe a little brother or sister.   
  
I had a sister once. But she's gone now. Schwarz killed her. She died in my arms.   
  
I liked her. A lot. Not in the way a brother loves his little sister, either. But we didn't know then. Didn't know until it was too late. She was already...in love? I suppose so. I don't think I wasn't in love with her. But I did have feelings for her. We didn't know until it was too late.  
  
And Oka-san died in my arms. I miss her, but I think it might be for the better. It sounds cruel, but she would have been hurt eventually anyway. With a father like Takatori Reiji, how couldn't she be?   
  
Takatori is my father, and look how I turned out.  
  
Sweet, innocent Omi. Tsukiyono-computer genius-Omi. I set them up, Aya-kun knocks them down. That's how it always was.   
  
Then I killed my own brothers. I didn't realize until that horrid redhead told me. I'm nothing but a cold-blooded killer. I live to kill. Kill or be killed. And its not my time yet.   
  
Sometimes I wish I had the courage to end it all. I even have a secret stash of darts, just for such an occasion. The tips are laced with poison. One, maybe two of those, no more Omi.  
  
But I can't do it. I don't even have the courage to quit Weiß. I'm rather pathetic, aren't I? Even Aya-kun quit for a while, But not I. Not Omi, who holds the group together. Omi, who always has a smile and cheerful words. Omi, who is dying from the inside, out.   
  
Sometimes I wonder about that boy in Schwarz. As far as I can tell, he's probably a few years younger than myself. And already a killer, too.  
  
I think I feel sorry for him. Has his childhood been ripped away like mine was? How did he wind up as an assassin? I've been with Weiß for almost 2 years now. Has he been in Schwarz for that long, too?   
  
What did he do to deserve being an assassin? I know what I did. I wasn't good enough. My father didn't love me enough to pay my ransom fee. Was I such a bad child? I had it blocked from my memory, but I know that it was Shuichi-jisan--err, Persia--who rescued me from the kidnappers. Not my father.   
  
Did that boy--I can never remember his name. Nao...Naoi? No...Naoe. That's it. Naoe Nagi. Did Nagi have parents that loved him? Was he some orphan on the   
streets? Or maybe even another one of Takatori's children.  
  
Tsukiyono Omi isn't my real name. Maybe Naoe Nagi isn't his, either. For all I know, he could be my younger brother. I must remember not to fall in love with him.   
  
Not that I plan to do that. He's the enemy. And another guy.   
  
I'm not against two guys being together. Ken-kun and Youji-kun have been together for the past 5 months. They try to hide it, buts it's kinda obvious. Even through Youji-kun's flirting with various women--and occasionally with me--I can see their relationship.   
  
I guess I wouldn't mind being with Nagi. If he wasn't Schwarz. And I wasn't Weiß. Maybe, if things were different, I might try to see if things could happen between us.   
  
But things aren't different. They are as they are, and there's nothing that's going to change that.   
  
I don't deserve love, anyway. I let the only person to love me die. She was too young. Too innocent. It should have been me that got shot. Not Oka-san. She didn't deserve it.  
  
I don't deserve anything else. No love for Omi. Just missions and murder for Bombay. I'm not even important when I'm Omi. Only Bombay really matters.  
  
Bombay is a trained assassin. Omi is just a smart, yet confused, schoolboy.   
  
Why do I have to be either? Why could I not have been born as someone else? Why can't I live a normal life?  
  
Sometimes, late a nite, I pretend that I do. In my room, in my own world, where no one--not Weiß, not Schwarz, not any Takatori, not Bombay, not even Omi--exists. I just *am*. It's during those times that I can be myself. Rather, the person I always wanted to be, but never could.   
  
Just a normal kid with a normal family. Usually with a lover, or at least a girlfriend. Sometimes a boyfriend. I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought of my fellow Weiß members in a more than platonic way. Or even certain members of Schwarz, for that matter. Namely one small, pale, dark-haired boy.   
  
I have to admit, he is...pretty. And about as innocent as I am. Its not like I would be making him dirty. the boy is already as tainted as me. Not in the same ways, I'm sure. But still, I know that he's dirty, too.   
  
But again, I don't even deserve him.   
  
Right now I just...need sleep.   
  
  
Owari! Poor Omi...that was my first Omi monologue....::sniff:: 


End file.
